maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
