I puked a lego.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
