You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
