I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
worst night to have a conscience
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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