i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
