I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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