Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
