Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thus making me awesome and them whores
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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