I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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