If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
