and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
