I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
