i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
