i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
