Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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