It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
