You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
