I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
