Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
