I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
