i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
