wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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