I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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