you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
