Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
