Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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