Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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