i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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