I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
