True but thats because hes a fetus.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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