New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
