she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
