"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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