I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i dont even know how to be here
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
