and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
