I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
