Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
