The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
