My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
