I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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