cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
