how do flat chested girls get laid?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
