there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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