I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
