i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
