I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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