Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
