I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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