Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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