He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
